First lines
May. 9th, 2002 02:25 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
erilynHey look, a bandwagon. jump ;)
Looking at my old stories (I haven't written in a couple of years), is always worth a laugh or two, so I thought I'd have a look at what the first lines were.
Place Where No Shadows Fall
David landed the shuttle smoothly, and glanced across at his young passenger.
Hmmm, clunky much? It's a B5 story, so readers would probably know who David is, but there's no hook.
Pre-Apocalyptic Soldiers
It should have been a dark and stormy night.
Awww, I still like that line, even if it is rather purple.
Reducing to Binary
The philosophy of scientific reductionism is that anything in science can be reduced, simplified, explained in terms of a more "pure" science.
Gee, what an exciting start to a story, bet everyone can't wait to rush off and read the rest of that!
Paradigm Shift
My world has shifted, been broken, changed, replaced, altered, and transformed.
This screams 'drama queen' to me. And it's Scully's POV. And not later seasons where drama queen started to seem like an apt description.
Ananda
They lie entangled in the dark, two bodies in motion.
Hmmm, not as bad as some of them, but still clunkier than I'd like.
The Peach and The Black
(snip two lines of dialogue from show)
Scully watched her tall partner stride from his dark apartment, and quickly followed him out of apartment and downstairs.
Oh my god, I used 'tall partner'? I'm a living example of why beta-readers are a good thing (none of these were beta-read).
Driftin' On Out
Margaret Scully woke just before dawn, uncertain as what had broken her slumber.
Functional, without really being interesting in any way. But then again, as the first lines are actually a quote from a song shudder, I doubt many people would make it to the actual story.
So, I like one out of seven opening lines. About what I expected.
Looking at my old stories (I haven't written in a couple of years), is always worth a laugh or two, so I thought I'd have a look at what the first lines were.
Place Where No Shadows Fall
David landed the shuttle smoothly, and glanced across at his young passenger.
Hmmm, clunky much? It's a B5 story, so readers would probably know who David is, but there's no hook.
Pre-Apocalyptic Soldiers
It should have been a dark and stormy night.
Awww, I still like that line, even if it is rather purple.
Reducing to Binary
The philosophy of scientific reductionism is that anything in science can be reduced, simplified, explained in terms of a more "pure" science.
Gee, what an exciting start to a story, bet everyone can't wait to rush off and read the rest of that!
Paradigm Shift
My world has shifted, been broken, changed, replaced, altered, and transformed.
This screams 'drama queen' to me. And it's Scully's POV. And not later seasons where drama queen started to seem like an apt description.
Ananda
They lie entangled in the dark, two bodies in motion.
Hmmm, not as bad as some of them, but still clunkier than I'd like.
The Peach and The Black
(snip two lines of dialogue from show)
Scully watched her tall partner stride from his dark apartment, and quickly followed him out of apartment and downstairs.
Oh my god, I used 'tall partner'? I'm a living example of why beta-readers are a good thing (none of these were beta-read).
Driftin' On Out
Margaret Scully woke just before dawn, uncertain as what had broken her slumber.
Functional, without really being interesting in any way. But then again, as the first lines are actually a quote from a song shudder, I doubt many people would make it to the actual story.
So, I like one out of seven opening lines. About what I expected.
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First Lines
Isn't this first line disection interesting. I really think it should be first PARAGRAPH though. Surely people would read at least that before deciding not to read a story.
As for 'tall partner', after reading some Magnificent 7 full of 'the green eyed gambler' and 'the blue eyed gunslinger', 'tall partner' seems perectly fine.
Re: First Lines
Date: 2002-05-10 05:23 pm (UTC)First paragraphs would probably be a better way to do it too, but I tend to write really long first paragraphs (or one line), so I stuck with the first line schtick :)